• In Step PC
  • 703-876-8480
  • info@insteppc.com
in-step-pc-logoin-step-pc-logoin-step-pc-logoin-step-pc-logo
  • Services
    • Group Therapy
      • Pre-K/Kindergarten
        • Early Childhood Social Skills Group
        • Play Therapy
        • Small Groups
      • Elementary
        • Stepping Stones Social Skills Group for Children
        • LEGO® Social Development Groups
        • Girls Social Confidence Group
        • Play Therapy
        • Stepping Stones Graduate Group
        • Animal Crossing Therapy Group
        • Minecraft Social Development Group
      • Middle School
        • Middle School Boys Group
        • Middle School Girls Groups
        • LEGO® Social Development Groups
        • Teen Support Group: Feeling at Home Back in the USA
        • Dialectical Behavior Therapy
      • High School
        • Teen Groups
        • Dialectical Behavior Therapy
        • Advanced Group Therapy
        • LEGO® Social Development Groups
        • Teen Support Group: Feeling at Home Back in the USA
      • Young Adult
        • Interpersonal Development for Young Adults Group
        • Dialectical Behavior Therapy
        • Advanced Group Therapy
      • Adult
        • Mom’s Group
        • Raise Your Parenting IQ – Parent Group
    • Individual Therapy
      • Areas of Focus
        • ADHD Treatment & Therapy
        • High Functioning Autism (HFA)
        • Depression Treatment
        • Anxiety Treatment
        • Resiliency | Self Esteem and Stress Management Therapy
        • Know The Signs of Bullying
        • Executive Functioning
    • Family Therapy
    • Couples Counseling
    • Parenting Support
      • Parent Coaching
      • Workshops at In Step
      • Raise Your Parenting IQ – Parent Group
    • Psychological Testing & Evaluation
  • Stepping Stones
    • Stepping Stones Social Skills Group
    • Stepping Stones Parent Group
    • Parent Feedback Sessions
  • Our Clinicians
  • Staff
  • Getting Started
    • What is an Initial Evaluation?
    • Does In Step Accept Insurance?
    • Billing
    • Client Forms
  • Social IQ
    • Social IQ
    • cathicohensocialiq.com
    • In Step Articles
  • Cathi’s Books
    • Raise Your Child’s Social IQ
    • Raise Your Parenting IQ
    • Stepping Stones to Building Friendships
    • Outnumbered Not Outsmarted
  • Resources
    • Foster Tool
    • Recommended Reading – Parent, Child and General Mental Health
    • In Step Articles
    • Blog
    • Webinars & Podcasts
    • Videos
    • Workshops & Presentations
    • Cathi Cohen Website
  • Home
  • A Word from Cathi
  • Services
    • Group Therapy
      • Pre-K/Kindergarten
        • Early Childhood Social Skills Group
        • Play Therapy
        • Small Groups
      • Elementary
        • Stepping Stones Social Skills Group for Children
        • LEGO® Social Development Groups
        • Girls Social Confidence Group
        • Play Therapy
        • Stepping Stones Graduate Group
        • Animal Crossing Therapy Group
        • Minecraft Social Development Group
      • Middle School
        • Middle School Boys Group
        • Middle School Girls Groups
        • LEGO® Social Development Groups
        • Dialectical Behavior Therapy
        • Teen Support Group: Feeling at Home Back in the USA
        • Dialectical Behavior Therapy
      • High School
        • Teen Groups
        • Dialectical Behavior Therapy
        • LEGO® Social Development Groups
        • Teen Support Group: Feeling at Home Back in the USA
        • Advanced Group Therapy
      • Young Adult
        • Interpersonal Development for Young Adults Group
        • Advanced Group Therapy
      • Adult
        • Mom’s Group
        • Raise Your Parenting IQ – Parent Group
    • Individual Therapy
      • Areas of Focus
        • ADHD Treatment & Therapy
        • High Functioning Autism (HFA)
        • Depression Treatment
        • Anxiety Treatment
        • Resiliency | Self Esteem and Stress Management Therapy
        • Know The Signs of Bullying
    • Family Therapy
    • Couples Counseling
    • Parenting Support
      • Parent Coaching
      • Workshops at In Step
      • Raise Your Parenting IQ – Parent Group
    • Psychological Testing & Evaluation
  • Stepping Stones
    • Stepping Stones Social Skills Group
    • Stepping Stones Parent Group
    • Parent Feedback Sessions
  • Our Clinicians
  • Staff
  • Getting Started
    • What is an Initial Evaluation?
    • Does In Step Accept Insurance?
    • Billing
    • Client Forms
  • Social IQ
    • Social IQ
    • cathicohensocialiq.com
    • In Step Articles
  • Cathi’s Books
    • Raise Your Child’s Social IQ
    • Raise Your Parenting IQ
    • Stepping Stones to Building Friendships
    • Outnumbered Not Outsmarted
  • Resources
    • Foster Tool
    • Recommended Reading – Parent, Child and General Mental Health
    • In Step Articles
    • Blog
    • Webinars & Podcasts
    • Videos
    • Workshops & Presentations
    • Cathi Cohen Website
  • Blog
  • Schedule an Appointment
  • Contact Us

Just Say No to Saying Yes

  • Home
  • Blog
  • Anger Management
  • Just Say No to Saying Yes

Let’s face it—our kids are accustomed to instant gratification: without leaving their rooms, kids can communicate instantly with friends and entertain themselves with music, videos and movies. If they have their own funds (or ask for yours), they’re able to buy things with the click of a button. In this kind of environment, it can be difficult to figure out how and when to set limits and say “no”.

We’ve all done it— caved into our child’s (or children’s) demands in order to avoid a hassle, a tantrum or making a scene in public. Sometimes it’s simply because it takes less energy to give in than to establish firm boundaries and stay consistent with them. Sometimes it’s because we feel guilty that we don’t spend enough time with our kids and are so often distracted by the demands of work.

But kids are much better off in the long run if they learn that their needs don’t always come first. Kids won’t stop throwing tantrums and slamming doors if that kind of behavior gets them what they want. But if incessant pleading or whining is no longer an effective persuasion tactic they will soon give it up. When you say “no” to the newest gadget, the designer jeans or the latest toy kids learn to tolerate disappointment and defer gratification —they learn an important truth — we can’t get what we want whenever we want it. And when they’re not happy about it, as long as they aren’t in danger of hurting themselves or anyone else, a good plan of action is to let fits of tears, anger, or frustration play out without engaging or intervening.

We all want our kids to know we love them, right? Of course! But loving and over-indulging are completely different animals. It’s helpful to check in with yourself about how willing you are to say “no”, to enforce limits and to let your kids be mad at you when they don’t get what they want.

It’s okay for kids to be disappointed
Kids need to learn how to bounce back from feeling discouraged or defeated in order to grow up into resourceful adults.

You don’t have to buy them the moon
When kids don’t get their every wish granted, particularly with material things, they come to understand that their source of happiness does not exist outside themselves.

Caving In Has Consequences
When whining, crying and yelling matches get them what they want, you end up reinforcing and rewarding negative behaviors and eroding your ability to set limits.

Limits aren’t bad
Kids don’t learn much about respect, patience, manners, and cooperation if you aren’t willing to put any limits on their behavior. They’ll need all of those traits to get along in the world as adults. “Bedtime in 10 minutes” needs to mean exactly that. “You’re grounded; no going out this weekend” is not negotiable. Each time you don’t stick to the limits you set, your kids are less likely to respect them the next time around.

It’s easier when our kids are young and the “no’s” seem obvious and fundamental: no touching the stove, no running into the street, no hitting your brother. As they get older saying and sticking with “no” and establishing limits is not as straightforward and our own emotions can get in the way. Keep in mind that the best gift you can give your kid is to foster the skills and traits they’ll need to successfully navigate the world as an adult.

Share
Cathi
Cathi

Related posts

January 30, 2019

Making Life Easier for Kids with Learning Challenges


Read more
January 23, 2019

Learning How to Learn


Read more
January 16, 2019

For Better or for Worse -The Sibling Bond


Read more

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Contact us

Recent Newsletter Articles

  • Coping with Frustration and Anger at Home
  • Pandemic Parenting
  • Can’t Bounce Back?
  • Spotlight: Support for Moms
  • Parenting Your Independent Teen
Sign up for our newletter

In Step PC

8500 Executive Park Avenue
Suite 204, Fairfax, VA 22031
Phone: 703-876-8480
Fax: 703-876-8482

Books by our Director Cathi Cohen

Raise Your Child’s Social IQ

Raise Your Parenting IQ

Stepping Stones to Building Friendships

Outnumbered Not Outsmarted

  • Careers
  • Group Therapy
  • Parent Support
  • Getting Started with In Step
  • Testimonials
  • Blog
  • Contact Us
  • Books by Cathi Cohen
Copyright 2017, In Step PC