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Social Skills Training and the Power of Friendship

Posted on February 16, 2012 by Kristine

One way to give your child a greater chance of living a happy, productive life is to make sure he/she has the pro-social skills training necessary to make and keep friends. The research is very clear: Life success is determined less by IQ and good grades than it is by a child’s social skills and emotional intelligence; the ability to get along and understand the needs of others. And, yet our schools don’t typically teach such subjects as cooperation, empathy, conflict resolution, managing emotions, and communication or social skills.

 

In a New York Times article, Roni Caryn Rabin discusses recent research regarding the link between lack of friendship and depression. The writer notes that friendship offers children a “psychological resilience”. She suggests that parents have a responsibility to act as social skills coaches for their children in order to help them develop critical social skills and emotional skills.

 

Our Stepping Stones parent groups are in line with Ms. Rabin’s recommendations. Without the active participation of parents in our groups, the social skills the children are learning in their therapy groups do not generalize to the school and home environments. Parents learn cognitive behavioral coaching skills which are practiced at home for optimum results.

 

Each of our clinicians is prepared to equip your child with the social skills training that they need. Whether group therapy or individual counseling, In Step’s professional clinicians are ready and willing to help your child overcome the barriers with proper social skills training. For your convenience, In Step has two locations throughout the Northern, Virginia area – one in Sterling, VA and the other in Fairfax, VA. In Step strives to provide children, adolescents, couples and individuals with the proper social skills training to boost their self-esteem, improve their relationships and give them the tools they need to pursue healthy, happy lifestyles.

 


Conflict Resolution and Social Skill Development

Posted on February 10, 2012 by Kristine

We often argue with friends and family members when we are angry, frustrated, or upset about something. Do you ever wonder of arguing in front of your children might negatively affect them? Perhaps you think fighting in front of children could adversely affect their mental health or even your child’s social skills. Maybe you think if children observe their parents fighting, they themselves will become more aggressive. There’s no need to worry.

Arguing in itself is not inherently dangerous for your child to observe. It actually presents an opportunity for you, as a parent, to demonstrate to your child how to resolve conflict successfully with the proper social skills – by arguing and coming to a resolution, by working out successful compromises, and by showing a willingness to change your behavior and consider another’s perspective.

By harnessing your own social skills, disputes between family members can teach children that although two people love and respect each other, they do not always agree. It’s important that children see their parents as united in basic child-rearing principles and common values, but they also need to see them as unique individuals with their own opinions.

Fighting is easy. Fighting fairly is not. You may go into an argument intending to resolve conflict quietly and easily, but in the heat of the moment, you can’t seem to stop yourself from getting defensive, lashing out, and saying hurtful things. If this is hard for you as an adult, imagine how challenging it is for your child, who is still struggling with self- control issues and learning to express feelings with words through social skill development, not actions.

At In Step, we are able to interact with children in group and individual settings to work on social skill development as well as conflict resolution; both of which go hand-in-hand with one another.

Continue to read helpful guidelines on how you can help your child obtain successful conflict resolution skills.


Social Anxiety in Children

Posted on February 2, 2012 by Kristine

Everyone experiences some level of fear and worry. This isn’t a bad thing. These feelings actually signal us to change our behavior in potentially threatening situations.

For instance, most of us worry if it suddenly begins to thunder and lightning while we are swimming. Our fear signals us to get out of the pool! This is an example of a healthy fear that aids us in protecting ourselves.

Children often worry about things they can’t control or don’t understand such as separation from a parent, natural disasters and fear of the dark. Some children worry about everything including social phobias and anxiety.

So the question becomes, “Are my child’s worries interfering with their ability to function successfully in their world?”

To be successful in school, your child must be able to focus, learn new ideas, follow through with assignments and be socially engaged and free from social phobias and anxiety. Imagine if your child was fixated on a fire breaking out and was constantly distracted by those thoughts. Or if your child was so worried about making a mistake on their homework that they can’t even get started? How can your child possibly perform up to their potential when these social phobias and anxious thoughts intrude and interfere with their learning all day long?

How can I help?

Create a calm environment at home and teach your child basic stress management strategies before phobias and social anxiety develop further.

Make sure your child is not overcommitted.

Children need down time!

Be proactive against stress.

Develop a plan to cope with your child’s phobias and potentially socially anxious situations.

Take baby steps.

Help your child break down what needs to be accomplished into small, manageable steps.

Set up special time each day with your child.

Spend 15 minutes a day just to talk and follow your child’s lead. Do what they want to do.

Make sure your child eats and sleeps well.

Phobias, social anxiety and stress depletes our bodies of essential nutrients.

Get physical!

Team or individual sports reduce tension associated with phobias, social anxiety and stress.

TV/Computer?

Make sure your child’s television and computer habits are stress-relieving not stress-producing.

Manage your own stress well.

Try Stress-buster exercises.

For the in-depth list suggestions and practices, see – Ways to Reduce Your Child’s Social Anxiety and Phobias.

 


The Benefits of Group Therapy

Posted on January 27, 2012 by Kristine

Group psychotherapy is a unique form of therapy in which a small number of people meet together under the guidance of a professionally trained therapist. During this time, patients are able to increase their social development skills and also help others develop their skills as well.

Group therapy has been a common practice for over 50 years and has been proven to be as effective, and sometimes more effective, than individual therapy.

Top Reasons Why Group Therapy Works

1. Group therapy helps children gain a feeling of acceptance from their peers that they may commonly not receive

2. Group therapy improves a child’s self-esteem

3. Children get to “role play” the lessons they learn in groups with their peers

4. Children learn techniques to help them self-regulate their emotions

5. In Group Therapy, children realize that there are other children working through emotional challenges just like them

At In Step, our therapists have the proper training and education to oversee a group therapy session. We understand the benefits of group therapy and work with each child to help them achieve their goals and develop social skills.

Which Groups Offer the Best Opportunities for Results in My Child?

1. Groups should comprise of 4-8 children, with similar emotional behavioral goals and be close in age. Gender may play a factor as well.

2. It takes time to enact a long term change. Watch out for groups that advertise quick fixes. Short term groups don’t typically offer long term benefits.

3. Beware of agencies or practices with inexperienced therapists and high turn-over rates. They tend to offer inconsistence and incongruent training for their staff.

4. Look for a group where concrete goals can be achieved. A qualified professional will ensure realistic treatment goals are set for you and your child.

5. Group programs with simultaneous parent groups are a huge plus. This group will teach you the same behavioral tools your child is learning. You will be able to put into practice what your child is learning throughout their day.

Contact In Step today to begin working towards a positive change with group therapy.

 


Effective Social Skills Groups for Your Child

Posted on January 20, 2012 by Kristine

In such a socially-focused culture, it is essential to find the right social skills training groups for your children. The ideal atmosphere will teach your children how to carry their newly learned social skills and apply them to their everyday lives. With new friendships, teachers, parents and beyond, a child’s social skill development will affect their relationships with others, and will also make a positive impact their own personal lives and well-being.

There are a few key elements that social skills research has revealed as critical for real and sustained friendship building to take place.

• Real Change Requires Real Time: Learning social skills does not come naturally for most. Acquiring these new skills takes time and practice in order to resonate with a child. In Stepping Stones groups, a boost in self-esteem typically takes place in the first couple of months, but the skills don’t take hold until the sixth month of weekly intensive groups.

• Parent Involvement is Critical: In Stepping Stones parent groups, parents are taught the same skills the child is learning so the practice can continue at home. This repetition is developed in the child who is able to carry their developing skills into the real world.

• Social Skills Must Be Practiced Between Sessions: In order to reinforce the skills learned in groups, children must practice them outside of group sessions.

• Focus on Specific Skills: A well-structured, comprehensive social skills group must cover several common areas of weakness in children who struggle with making and maintaining friends:

  • Reading social cues accurately
  • Active listening
  • Making a good first impression
  • Developing good eye contact
  • Improving communication and conversation skills
  • Facilitating social entry
  • Coping effectively with teasing and bullying
  • Enhancing self-esteem
  • Managing stress
  • Developing anger control

• Groups Need to Be Carefully Formed: In order to achieve maximum benefit, several criteria are taken into consideration when placing a child into a group.

• Licensed Clinicians are a Must: It is crucial to have a group run by a licensed clinician who has had the proper training to help actualize goals set for your child. At In Step, most children’s groups are run by two therapists. Two heads are better than one!

 


Helping Children Navigate Divorce

Posted on January 10, 2012 by Kristine

Divorce is never an easy situation for the parties involved – especially for the children. Understanding how to interact with your children and helping them understand the situation is essential. Communication is key and during a time of such stress and emotional highs and lows it can be difficult to clearly express the dynamics of the circumstances.

Marital conflict and change in the configuration of the family can elicit grief, anger, disappointment, and fear in children – emotions that are often expressed through negative behaviors. A once calm and patient parent may become short-tempered, impatient, and unavailable. A family with established routines and traditions enters a no man’s land where new routines have yet to be established.

While no one solution works in all situations, there are some invaluable tools that parents can employ to help their children navigate divorce and settle into a new, healthy, happier existence.

Be respectful. Anger, grief, betrayal and hurt are natural parts of the emotional landscape during divorce. Be aware of how you speak about and to your partner. Show your children respect and refrain from yelling, blaming or criticizing.

Keep in developmentally appropriate. The timing of when to share information about a divorce changes depending on the age of the child.

Be available for communication. “The Talk” about a divorce is ongoing. Set aside regular times to communicate with your children and hear and respond to their concerns.

Listen, Listen, Listen. Since it is often difficult for children to communicate their words, remember that behavior and moods also communicate feelings when it is too scary or difficult to verbally describe them.

Share the task of communication. Sometimes the complexity and intensity of a child’s responses requires the assistance of counselors or therapists. They can help provide tools for children coping with divorce and help regulate emotions.

Don’t be afraid. Many families feel compelled to avoid difficult communication. This leaves children emotionally alone in this situation and does not protect them from their intense feelings about the separation.

While divorce threatens to tear the bonds between family members, if it is dealt with thoughtfully and with respect, bonds between parents and children can be made even stronger.

Here is more detailed information on navigating your children through divorce.


Concurrent Parent and Child Therapy Groups

Posted on January 7, 2012 by Kristine

In years past researchers have found that parenting self-efficacy is an important potential contributor to the emotional and social developmental of children. PSE is defined as beliefs or judgments about one’s competency or ability to successfully carry out one’s parenting roles.

 

In one Study at BYU a professor of psychology, examined parenting self-efficacy and how it related to therapy outcomes in a large group of youth receiving outpatient therapy at a community mental health clinic.

 

Three aspects of PSE were studied: parental connection between the parent and child, the effect of social processes on a child’s development of identity, efficacy and worth, and parental control of behavior, and behavioral influence. What the study found was very interesting: during the course of child therapy parents’ levels of self-efficacy improved as their children’s symptoms improved.

 

Parents’ levels of self-efficacy did not predict how much their children’s social skills would improve, rather, regardless of their initial level of PSE, their self-reported feelings of efficacy increased at the same time as their children’s symptoms were decreasing.

 

What was shown was that helping parents increase PSE through training interventions, increased understanding of developmental norms, or more accurate explanations for their child’s behavior may result in them putting forth more effort in their parenting roles, responding more effectively to problem behavior, or striving to provide more positive experiences for their children.

 

At In Step we believe that as parent’s participated and improve their feelings of efficacy, it will also help their children’s symptoms and behaviors improve. This is why here at In Step we provide concurrent parent and child therapy groups. We are one of the few providers that offer such a valuable service. These groups are available for different groups and at various times. Please contact us to ask about concurrent therapy and if you and your child may benefit.


Parent Involvement is Critical in Social Skills Development

Posted on December 30, 2011 by Kristine

Social skills training groups vary tremendously in their ability to help children not only learn but also transfer skills from a group to a home and school environment. For many children, learning new social skills is like learning a foreign language. Similarly to acquiring a new language, it’s important that the kids are immersed in the thinking and culture of interpersonal skill building.

 

These skills need to be practiced inside and outside of group in order for new friendship skills to take hold.

 

When a child participates in a Stepping Stones social skills program, we offer a simultaneously-running parent group. Experience has shown that the parent’s role is critical to progress and success, and the parent’s group emphasizes tips and techniques for parents to use at home to foster positive social and emotional development, better manage behavioral issues, and lessen family stresses. Parental involvement in reinforcing those skills learned in group is instrumental in effecting change and making new social skills “stick.”

 

Repetition and rehearsal are key factors in transferring learned skills to a child’s natural environment. In the Stepping Stones parent groups, parents are taught the same skills that the kids are working on so that learning and practice continues at home.

 

When parents participate in this way, they help deepen a child’s understanding and help move learned skills into the child’s “muscle memory” – where behaviors become more natural and automatic.

 

Children acquire the necessary skills exponentially more quickly and deeply when parents and clinicians are all on the same page.


Socially Anxious Teens

Posted on December 24, 2011 by Kristine

Socially anxious teens desperately want to interact and connect with their peers. Sadly, “wanting” is not “doing.” These teens struggle with a challenging and painful irony: the desire they have to belong, to fit in, to be more in-sync with their peers leads to the very feelings of anxiety they are trying to avoid.

With family gatherings, holiday parties and New Year’s Eve get-togethers just days away, support your socially anxious teen with these strategies.

  1. Make a commitment to overcome your social anxiety
    Changing your social anxiety will be difficult.  You need to be ready, willing, and able to take action even when you need to confront situations you fear.
  2. Expect fits and starts
    Be kind to yourself when your progress is not linear.  Rather, you can expect to take two steps forward, one step.  This is how change of any kind takes place.
  3. Focus on personal benefits of overcoming social anxiety
    Based on your own values and goals, identify your own reasons for changing.  Perhaps your goal is to have closer friendships, rather than being more comfortable in a crowd.  You are more likely to succeed if the goals are yours.
  4. Set one small, specific, measurable goal at a time
    Not only is it easier to measure whether or not you are succeeding by setting one goal at a time, but it is also less overwhelming to lay out baby steps to achieving your objective.  For example, you might have a specific goal of “decreasing my fear of an oral presentation in front of the class from a level 10 out of 10 to a level 6 out of 10.
  5. Be more aware of your negative thoughts
    Awareness is power.  Just becoming more cognizant of your beliefs and thoughts creates a distance from them. Being mindful allows you to see thoughts and feelings as passing events rather than truths.
  6. Consider alternative explanations for negative interpretations
    Consider keeping a log to record your anxious thoughts, countering them with more realistic predictions or understandings.  As you become more comfortable with the process of thinking more realistically, you won’t need the journal any more.
  7. Gradually expose yourself to situations you fear
    It is only through direct experience that you will be able to gain confidence by tolerating anxiety provoking situations.
  8. Have confidence in yourself
    Know that you can and you will overcome your social anxiety.  Being optimistic is imperative to your success.  Remember The Little Engine That Could, “I think I can. I think I can. I know I can. I know I can.”

At In Step, we offer both individual and group therapy for teenagers who struggle with shyness and social anxiety.

In individual therapy, a teen is able to talk about relationship issues in the presence of a nonjudgmental, caring adult who offers needed support and guidance. In group therapy, a teen not only talks about interpersonal issues that arise outside of group, but he/she is able to play out these issues within the group itself.  The group may provoke some anxiety, especially initially, but as the group unfolds, its members develop feelings of safety and trust.

We are happy to discuss both alternatives with you to find the right solution for your shy or socially anxious teen.


Is the Merry Missing from Your Holidays?

Posted on December 1, 2011 by Kristine

Here are some ways to reduce your stress and bring back the joy.

  • Identify what is meaningful. Make room for what you enjoy, spend time with the people you love, and seek out what is most spiritually meaningful to you during the Holidays. Discard old traditions that are meaningless, and avoid rote tasks that are unnecessary and performed only because they have persisted over time.
  • Take care of yourself. This means making time for sleep, good nutrition, and exercise. Improve time management skills and take into account how plans and decisions will affect you. For example, try to travel when there will be less traffic on the roads, shop when the malls are less crowded, and turn down unnecessary requests.
  • Express your thoughts and feelings. Communicate about finances and expenses, share both your hopes and expectations, and reach out for emotional support when needed. If you let others know how you feel and what you need, you may get what you want.
  • Plan and delegate. Don’t assume that you are solely responsible for organizing, shopping, and completing Holiday tasks. Get your family involved, ask for help, and delay obligations that can wait. Make plans ahead of time about how tasks can be accomplished and who needs to take responsibility for them.
  • Develop your own traditions. You are not obligated to assume others’ visions of the Holidays, whether it is your family of origin’s traditions or the media’s dictates. New traditions build a sense of control and meaning, and can allow you to distance yourself from others’ expectations.
  • Challenge unrealistic expectations. Perhaps the most important tool for reducing Holiday stress, challenging fantasies and assumptions about what constitutes the perfect Holiday and coming up with more realistic expectations can quell feelings of disappointment. In times of hardship or loss, the Holidays can exacerbate feelings of loneliness or sadness.

Most people don’t have a “Hallmark Holiday” and most families are not perfect. Pay attention to when unrealistic beliefs start to color your vision. Learning to accept and appreciate what you do have can be a lesson in finding joy in smaller packages.

In Step wishes you a stress-free holiday and is there for you if you would like more information on how to reduce your stress this holiday season.